it’s my party
I tried to have this separate little space where I could upload all the images I saved from the many, many, many fashion blogs I read and write about why I like them. It was a silly idea. I have enough difficulty motivating myself to write in this blog or in Livejournal.
Since this is a public space, I don’t want to talk about anything personal because it’s not the business of the rest of the world. On Livejournal, I am only sharing information with my closest friends thanks to the lovely feature of filters. But I like having my own site and I feel guilty not using it. I never know what to write about. I’m certainly not very interesting, nor do I know how to make the mundane details of my life interesting like other bloggers are able to do.
They say “write what you know,” but I feel like there is very little I know well. I certainly don’t know myself very well, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing it with more people than I have fingers. You never know who is going to find what when on the internet. Though websites often have the shelf life of a peeled banana, they can be saved and archived and cached and brought up for general LOLs ten years down the line. Believe me, I’m an internet veteran. I was one among the first generation of children who grew up on the internet. I was interviewed for a book once about being a girl with a website on the internet. I don’t remember who wrote it or what it was called. I had a website on <a href=”http://www.worldkids.net”>, which has not changed in over 10 years and I’m not sure why it’s still up at all… I was on a really popular website called delish.net. I didn’t realize it then, but I was part of this internet clique. I didn’t know it was so exclusive or that I came across as a snob. I was only 12 years old. Anyway, the point of this digression is that the most embarrassing years of my life were published - BY ME - on the internet. It’s probably in some web archive - that makes it sound exclusive and worthy of being archived, but it’s not. Every website you visit is saved by your computer in its cache. That way, next time you visit the site, it loads faster. Thats how these things gets saved. I’ve found archived pages of the main page of delish.net before.
Now, there’s YouTube and videoblogging. You have teenagers recording themselves defending “emo kids” and “punk kids” and “goth kids,” and we roll our eyes because it’s so ridiculous and also because we were once one of them. And we know that we’ll never be able to explain that to them. We know that they’ll never understand that we DO understand. We forget that we have it easier because we’ve already been through it. When you are feeling so confused about doing something for the first time - like high school, like handling responsibility, applying to colleges, first jobs… there is no amount of advice or reassurance that will help you get through it. You just have to GET THROUGH IT. So, you freak out and obsess and you fight with your family. Your family reacts at you yelling by yelling back and they just don’t understand why you are so upset because they deal with these things every day… but when you are only beginning to deal with the day-to-day responsibilities, it’s hard and it’s scary. And you’re just sitting there, trying to understand what is going on and figure out who you are. It’s all so awkward and embarrassing to look back to.
I think the only major regret I have about high school is my choice in prom dress. I would have studied harder, too, but I’m doing just fine not having done so.
Anyway. The whole point of this entry is that I’m just going to absorb my ~fashion blog~ into this one, because I can’t be bothered to maintain more than one.
Now, I write these blogs on my website, http://www.flameth.com/kerri/, and they cross-post to LJ. On Livejournal, I do not have separate filters for the things I write about. So, when I notice people request to be removed from certain filters from journals I kind of have to smile at their hard luck when it comes to me. In conversation, I will not discuss politics, money, or religion. But in a private journal, and largely in a public journal, that just doesn’t stand. It’s all or nothing, unfiltered. If you aren’t interested or if you are irritated or angered, then choose not to read it. Not that I write anything particularly incendiary.
You are more likely to be bored by what I write.
I just hope I stop being so lazy and write more.
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